2.0 miles. 19:00. 9:30 pace.
(Friday January 24)
This run was run mostly outside. At 10:00pm. I started my run on the treadmill at about 9:30. For some reason the belt was creased down the middle. Not sure what I did wrong when lubing it the day before. I figured that I would try it anyway… maybe the heat from running to cause the crease to flatten out a little bit.
After .38 mile or so… I noticed it was actually getting worse.
I FREAKED OUT.
I rushed upstairs, threw on some warm clothes and went outside to get at LEAST a mile in (-10F wind chills, I knew I wasn't going to go far)
And then I came home and cried.
When I'm running… it's pretty much the only time I'm not thinking about my crazy hectic life. I'm not thinking about the bills that need to be paid, or how I'm going to get all of my kids to the places they need to be. I'm not thinking about all of the housework that I should be doing. I'm not worried about all of the stupid little things that I shouldn't really worry about because I have no control over them.
All I'm thinking about is putting one foot in front of the other.
Or I'm imagining myself in a race.
Or running on a secluded trail.
(See why I like running in the dark? It's easier to dissociate.)
In that moment… I felt that the one thing in my life right now that gives me peace was ripped away from me.
I eventually calmed down and came up with a plan for getting my runs in in the meantime, but man… what a day.